What is and what can never be
by sofia313
Summary: She was Niklaus's twin sister. Elijah knew how wrong his feelings were, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get rid of them. She was the first and only woman he had ever truly loved.
1. Chapter 1

**Warning, mentions of incest. One shot for now.**

* * *

10th century

"Thank you for coming with me," Cilla said smiling. "I would have been fine by myself, but you know how ridiculously overprotective Nik is."

"No," Elijah replied. "Niklaus is right; it is not safe for you to run in the woods by yourself."

Cilla sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Not you too. I am not a child, 'Lijah."

"I know," Elijah murmured tensely. "That is the problem."

Cilla tilted her head and looked at him with her blue eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"I think you know," Elijah managed to reply after clearing his throat. "I am sure mother has explained these things to you."

Cilla bowed her head.

"She… She has explained something, but you know she does not wish to spend much time with me. I think because she does not want to anger father."

Elijah bit his bottom lip; he couldn't bear to see Cilla sad. He couldn't understand why their father was so harsh on Niklaus and Cilla. Perhaps Mikael had never laid a hand on Cilla, but he had always treated her coldly. She suffered when she saw Niklaus suffering.

"So," Elijah continued after a moment of silence. He was hoping to change the subject. "What exactly are we doing here?"

Cilla smiled at him.

"We are gathering herbs."

Elijah raised an eyebrow.

"Why? I thought that Kol usually helps mother with those kinds of things."

Cilla shook her head.

"These are not for mother. I promised to help Ayanna."

"Ah, I see."

"Yes, I am hoping…"

"What?" Elijah asked when she didn't continue.

"I am hoping that she would accept me as her apprentice."

Elijah's eyes widened.

"What? I thought that Kol and Finn were the only ones of us who have inherited mother's gift."

"They are, I don't posses any gifts. I am hoping that perhaps I have enough skills to become a midwife."

"Cilla," Elijah said gently. "You have plenty of skills; I don't want you to ever doubt that."

She smiled and touched his shoulder.

"Thank you, 'Lijah. You have always been so kind to me."

Her words made Elijah to bow his head. Once again he was ashamed. What was wrong with him, why was he feeling like this? Cilla was his sister. She was a kind and gentle girl who trusted him. She was smart, beautiful and full of life. She was… She wasn't his and she never would be. Yet he had loved her for as long as he could remember. When they had been children, he hadn't been able to identify his feelings for her, but now… No. No, no, no. She could never be his, not the way he hoped.

"There!" she suddenly announced and pointed at the tall tree by the river. "Wait here, I need to climb."

"What?"

She grinned at him.

"Come on, 'Lijah, surely you know that the best leaves are near the top."

"Are you sure it's a good…" he started, but she was already climbing. "Be careful!"

"I will, I have climbed before you know."

Elijah bit his bottom lip; he didn't like this at all. He remembered one time many moons ago when Cilla had been playing in the woods with Niklaus and Kol. All three of them had climbed in a tree and Kol had playfully pushed her. She had fallen down and hurt her arm. Elijah had been unnecessarily angry at Kol for hurting her. He had always felt a very strong need to protect her.

"Got it!" she announced.

"Good. Please come down now."

"I'm coming, but you really should come up here, the view…"

The rest of her sentence turned into a scream as the branch she was standing on cracked. She lost her balance and fell into the river.

"Cilla!"

Elijah jumped after her and dived. The moment before he found her was the most horrible moment of his life. She had hit her head and she was unconscious when he got her out of the water. That wasn't the worst part. She wasn't breathing.

"No… Cilla, no…"

He couldn't lose her, he couldn't. She needed to breathe. Desperately he pressed his lips against hers, praying for all the gods to give her back to him. If they would do that, he would never ask for anything else. Suddenly she started to cough.

"Cilla! Thank you… Thank you…"

He had never been more relieved in his life; gently he helped her into a sitting position and kissed her forehead.

"My Cilla…"

It took a while before she spoke.

"I suppose I'm not much of a climber after all," she murmured.

Elijah smiled and wrapped his arms around her.

"Please don't ever scare me like that again."

"I will try my best not to." She paused and pulled away. "You saved my life. Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me," Elijah muttered. "I would do anything for you."

She tilted her head and gently touched his cheek. For a moment they simply looked at each other, his heart was pounding as she leaned closer.

"'Lijah…"

"Cilla!"

Elijah startled when he suddenly heard Niklaus voice.

"Cilla!"

She smiled at Elijah before pulling away.

"Here, Nik!"

Elijah stood up before his brother saw them. This was for the best; thankfully Elijah hadn't crossed any line. She wasn't his and she never would be.


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 2**

 _9 years earlier_

 _Niklaus couldn't sleep; he never could when the moon was full. He was lying on his bed, hand in hand with Cilla. She wasn't sleeping either._

 _"Nik?" she whispered. "Can we go outside?"_

 _He knew what she meant; she wanted to see the moon. So did he, but…_

 _"We shouldn't," he whispered back. "Mama will be angry."_

 _Their mother had already caught them outside more than once when the moon had been full and she had warned them not to do that again. Niklaus couldn't understand why. Why couldn't they look at the moon? He wouldn't let anything happen to Cilla, if that was what worried their mother. He was 7 already, he wasn't a little child. They had both wondered why their other siblings didn't seem to care about the moon at all. Their mother had told them not to mention it ever again._

 _"Nik? I would really like to go."_

 _"Me too," he admitted. "Alright, we go. But we need to be careful; mama will spank us if we get caught."_

 _Or worse, she could tell their father. Just the thought was nothing but terrifying to Niklaus. Cilla nodded._

 _"We'll be careful."_

 _They got out of the bed as silently as they could and tiptoed outside. Both of them gasped when they saw the moon. It looked very big and bright._

 _"Pretty…" Cilla murmured._

 _Niklaus thought so too, instinctively he took his sister's hand. They stood there silently until the howling started, just like before. It was coming from the woods. They had heard stories about the monsters that lived in the woods, but for some reason neither of them had ever feared the sound of howling. On the contrary. Niklaus had often dreamt of running in the woods with Cilla._

 _"Cil?" he murmured._

 _"Yes?"_

 _"Run with me."_

 _"What? No, Nik, we need to go back inside…"_

 _"Come with me."_

 _Cilla tried to resist, but Niklaus didn't let go of her. There was something about the howling that was calling for him._

 _"Nik, please stop," Cilla pleaded. "We need to go back."_

 _"No," Niklaus replied firmly._

 _He couldn't understand what he was doing and why. Something was calling for him and he couldn't resist it._

 _"Nik, you're hurting me."_

 _That should have made him stop, but it didn't. He still kept dragging his sister towards the woods._

 _"Stop, please. I'm scared."_

 _"Niklaus! What are you doing?" Elijah's voice asked._

 _"We must go," Niklaus murmured._

 _"Go where? Niklaus?"_

 _Elijah tried to pull Cilla away from Niklaus. That made Niklaus felt something he had never felt before._

 _"Don't touch her," he snarled and attacked Elijah._

 _"Nik!" Cilla cried out when both boys were wrestling furiously on the ground. There was nothing playful about it, Niklaus really wanted to hurt Elijah. "Stop it!"_

 _Niklaus couldn't understand why he was so angry, he couldn't control himself._

 _"Children!" Esther's voice suddenly snapped. "Enough! Or do you wish to wake your father up?"_

 _That snapped Niklaus out of it; he stood up as quickly as he could. So did Elijah._

 _"What are you doing outside in this hour?" Esther demanded to know._

 _None of them replied, Niklaus couldn't even look at his brother and sister. Why had he acted like that?_

 _"Answer me."_

 _"It was an accident," Cilla said quietly. "Niklaus… He was walking in his sleep. Elijah and I went after him."_

 _Esther crossed her arms._

 _"Is that so? Elijah?"_

 _"It's true, mother," Elijah lied quickly._

 _"I see. Take Cilla inside, I want to have a word with Niklaus."_

 _"No, mama, please," Cilla pleaded. "It was an accident, Nik didn't mean…"_

 _"I know," Esther said and touched Cilla's hair. "Everything is alright; I only wish to speak with your brother." She paused and looked at Elijah. "Take her inside."_

 _"Come on, Cilla," Elijah said gently and took her hand._

 _Reluctantly she went with him. Niklaus kept his eyes on the ground, he was afraid that he was in trouble._

 _"I am sorry, mama," he murmured._

 _"I know, my son," Esther sighed and knelt in front of him. "Tell me, have you often felt angry?"_

 _"No, no, I swear, I didn't mean to hurt Elijah."_

 _"Why did you then?"_

 _Niklaus hesitated; he didn't know the answer to that. He just hadn't wanted Elijah to touch Cilla._

 _"I… I didn't mean…"_

 _"Alright," Esther sighed. "No need to worry about anything, I will fix this, I promise."_

 _Finally Niklaus looked at her._

 _"Fix what, mama?"_

 _Esther smiled tensely and touched his cheek._

 _"I will make sure that nothing bad will happen to you or your sister."_

 _"Oh. Thank you, mama."_

 _Esther kissed his forehead and wrapped her arms around him._

 _"My little boy… You and your sister have grown so quickly, I should have thought about this before."_

 _Niklaus had no idea what she was talking about, but he was glad that she wasn't angry at him. He could still hear the howling from somewhere far away. It made him smile._


	3. Chapter 3

**Part 3**

"Nik, please…" Cilla pleaded.

"No!" Niklaus shouted. "I won't allow this! Do you hear me! I forbid it!"

Cilla held still as Niklaus marched away. Elijah could see tears in her eyes. Seeing her tears always affected him the same way, he couldn't bear to see her sad.

"Cilla?" he said cautiously.

She startled and quickly dried her eyes before turning to look at him.

"Oh, hi, 'Lijah."

"Are you alright?" he asked quietly.

She sighed tiredly and shook her head.

"Not really. I just told Nik and he… He didn't take it well."

"Yes, I heard that. But I am sure he will get over it."

"He won't."

Her eyes were watering up again as she pounced on Elijah.

"I hate this," she sobbed. "He needs me; my place should be with him."

"I'm sorry," Elijah murmured. "Please don't cry."

Elijah hated this just as much Cilla did, or perhaps even more. Just the thought of that bastard touching Cilla… No, Elijah wasn't going to allow that. He wasn't going to allow their father to sell Cilla like she would be nothing more than cattle. The marriage Mikael had arranged for her wasn't going to happen.

"It's alright," Elijah assured. "I will speak to mother; I am sure she will…"

"She agrees with father. She said that this is for the best." Cilla paused and pulled away. "She said that my presence harms Nik. That I harm Nik."

"What? That's not true. Niklaus loves you, how could you be harming him?"

Cilla didn't reply, but Elijah could see how upset she was.

"Cilla…"

"Am I hurting you, 'Lijah?" she asked quietly. "Mother said that I am."

Elijah's eyes widened.

"No! No, no, you're not. Why would mother say something like that, that's just…"

"She said that you are not married because of me. What did she mean by that?"

Elijah swallowed and forced himself to smile.

"I have no idea, but it's not true. You know I would have wed Tatia if..."

Yes, Elijah had proposed her and he would have wed her if she wouldn't have been in love with Niklaus. Perhaps Elijah hadn't loved her the way he loved Cilla, but he would have done his best to be a good husband. Apparently he hadn't managed to hide his feelings as well as he had thought, not from his mother. Once again he felt the same guilt he had felt for as long as he could remember. His feelings were wrong, he knew that.

"I'm sorry," Cilla said. "I didn't mean to make you feel bad."

"You didn't," Elijah assured. "You didn't."

Cilla wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his shoulder.

"I just wish things could be like they used to be," she murmured. "When we were children."

"Me too," Elijah replied quietly.

Unfortunately that wasn't possible, they weren't children anymore. Niklaus couldn't keep Cilla any more than Elijah could. She was a young woman now, a midwife. Ayanna had trained her and it wasn't difficult to see how much she liked working as a midwife. Many men in the village had wanted to wed her, but Elijah hadn't really thought that she would actually get married.

No man was good enough for her, especially a man like Ivar. His family was very wealthy and he had got used to getting what he wanted. He thought that his father could just buy Cilla for him. No, that wasn't going to happen. Cilla deserved so much better than that. Elijah sighed and stroked her hair.

"It's alright, sister."

From the corner of his eye, he noticed Niklaus staring at them. The look in his eyes was very strange, Elijah couldn't interpret it. Niklaus disappeared in the woods before Elijah managed to react. Elijah knew how attached Niklaus was to his twin and he doubted that his brother was simply going to accept Cilla's marriage. Somehow Elijah had a very bad feeling.

* * *

12 hours later

Dead. Henrik was dead. No. No, he wasn't dead. He couldn't be. He would be alright.

"It's alright, little brother," Niklaus murmured. "It's alright. I will take you home and mother will take care of your wounds."

There was no answer, but Niklaus barely noticed that. His brother was fine. Everything was fine.

"You shouldn't have followed me," he murmured. "But that's alright, I am not mad at you. Of course not."

Why had Henrik followed him, why? Niklaus wasn't even sure why he had gone to the woods in the first place. What he had hoped to find? He wasn't sure. All he knew was that he hadn't wanted to lose Cilla. He couldn't lose her. She had been his rock and shelter ever since they had been born, no one understood him like her. Her place was by his side, she didn't belong to anyone else.

"I'm sorry," he murmured. "I'm sorry, little brother. Hold on, we are almost home. Mother! Mother!"

Esther came running, followed by Rebekah.

"Henrik! What happened?"

Niklaus didn't have any words left; his eyes were filling with tears.

"I'm sorry," he murmured. "I'm sorry."

Elijah and Kol were running towards them, they both seemed shocked. Cilla was right behind them, she hurried to help Esther.

"Mother…"

"You stay away," Esther hissed. "This is all your fault."

Cilla's eyes widened.

"Wha-what?"

"Stay away!" Esther shouted.

Cilla backed away, unable to understand. She looked at Niklaus who was crying now. Quickly she wrapped her arms around him and rubbed his back in a calming motion. Esther let out a painful scream and hugged Henrik's lifeless body.

"My son… My little boy…"

"I'm sorry," Niklaus sobbed.

"Shh, shh," Cilla tried to calm him, although she was also crying.

Finn had appeared next to Kol and Elijah, none of them said a word. There were no words left to say.


End file.
